I can forgive, but I can’t forget, maybe I can’t even forgive…

Friendship is something I take very seriously. I’m loyal to a fault. I used to think that I had to remain loyal to my best friend no matter what. I had other friends and even a counselor tell me to get out of the relationship, but that didn’t seem like an option to me because I wasn’t the type of person to end a friendship, that thought never even crossed my mind.

Four years ago I rescued Hortencia, she had five babies the very next day. Tofu was one of them. I was a little overwhelmed to say the least and was appreciative when my best friend offered to take one. She chose Tofu’s only brother, Chiquito. He looked just like Tofu but he was tan instead of grey.

Two weeks later I found out she had adopted another rabbit. A girl. My first thought was uh-oh. Then I thought well she is 24 years old she should be able to handle it. It’ll be okay.

A month later I was on the phone with her and I asked about Chiquito, she said he was fine. That was the beginning of the lies. She lied to me for 6 months about Chiquito. She did eventually tell me that she lost him. That she was sitting on the front porch with him one day and he must’ve run away. She looked everywhere for him, she said.

I found out the truth from another friend, half a year later. What actually happened broke my heart. Chiquito didn’t run away, he was thrown outside to fend for himself and not let back in.

That was it. I finally had the courage to quit our friendship. Now, I’ll always regret not ending it sooner. I could’ve saved Chiquito’s life. I could’ve saved her other bunny, Isabel’s life.

I’m writing all of this because I just got an email from her. She’s tried to contact me a number of times over the years and I’m sure the fact that we’re in the same city again has prompted this attempt.

Here’s an excerpt from the email: “More than anything though, I am sorry for being so stupid with regard to Chaquito. It breaks my heart that I allowed him to be in harm’s way and accepted it as my only option for even a moment. I can’t believe I let a day go by before admitting to you what a fool I knew I’d been to take the risk I took with him that day.  The decision was emotional and completely selfish. I convinced myself of a lot of things at the time. When I look back, I see how far I was from God’s intention for life and love of all forms. I am still not where I’d like to be but I am working harder than ever to get it right.”

She goes on to say, “You may remember, I had Izabel put down when her dental problem became unbearable for her. I still don’t know if there may have been other options there, though I was told there were none. Honestly, I held on to a vague sense of  guilt about being a bunny owner after letting go of Chaquito. **** and I think every day what an amazing gift it is to have any animal in our care—aside from the occasional chaos and the money that can become an issue—they are like our children and bring us unspeakable joy.”

Re-telling the story about Chiquito still makes me cry. I just can’t get over it. And I did not know about Izabel until this email. (Malocclusion or overgrown teeth is treatable, you would very rarely have to put a rabbit down because of this. Here is an article about how to handle malocclusion.)

I think of the life my little Tofu gets to enjoy, and the fate of his brother and it kills me. What would you do if your friend did this? Could you forgive and forget? Should I?

What happened to Chiquito ended up being a major theme in Equal Hoppertunity. If you have a domesticated animal that you don’t want to care for any more, don’t let them go! There are lots of other options. Read this blog post and if you still need help you can always email me (dewlaproductions@gmail.com) and I’ll help you!

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5 responses to “I can forgive, but I can’t forget, maybe I can’t even forgive…

  1. What a cold and heartless person…
    You did everything you could
    As for your question, I couldn’t forgive and I definitely wouldn’t forget.

  2. Having lived in the home of an HRS bunny foster human for many years I can recount horrible story after horrible story to you but, of course, you already know how they go. As a Disapproving Rabbit, I can be expected to disapprove of your ex-friend and would encourage you to do the same but here is why – heart is heart. We, none of us, have the luxury of saying this day I will act with heart and this day I will not because all of our actions comprise who we really are. We are a whole. Yes, we grow and, hopefully, your ex-friend has done just that but the human who is staffing me while my human is in Ireland says this strange thing that I find I believe as well. She says that she is a CHRISTian and not a “PAULian” meaning that she follows the words and message of Christ and not those of Paul. She explains that before Paul was Paul, he was Saul – he was a murderer. She is happy he converted on that road to Damascus and that his heart changed, to some degree, but if you look into his writings you see that it didn’t change all the way. It couldn’t. Somewhere inside him Saul still lived and it was expressed in his attitude toward all manner of people he considered “other.” Christ was light all the way down and Paul simply wasn’t. Your ex-friend isn’t either and she never will be.

  3. I, too, and ann incredibly loyal friend, so I can appreciate your dilemma. Having said that, I would have to walk away. Rabbits are livng beings with dietary, medical and shelter needs. Discarding a living being in such a harsh way due to its inconvenienve is unacceptable and cruel. From the e-mail she has clearly reflected on the incident. I guess the question is 1. do you want this person back in your life? and 2. Will things ever be the same?

    I believe you know the answers to both of those questions . I have fancial worries that make me wonder if I can keep my bun, but even at that I would have her put him out to fend for himself. I took on a responsibility when I got him and I knew that. Pets are not for disposing of when things become inconvenient and lack of respect for a life, is just that.
    I hope it works out how you like.

  4. Your bunny had 5 little ones the day after you got it!? Was that expected!? Shocking to hear about what happened to Chiquito, very sad and disturbing.

    • No it wasn’t expected at all! I thought this is the most chill rabbit I’ve ever met, and then it turned out she was just busting at the seams prego and couldn’t really move!

      Though what happened with Chiquito was tragic it did allow me to see how toxic of a friend she was. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back with our relationship. And part of me is still hopeful a kind neighbor found him and that’s he’s okay. But, I’ll never know for sure. It’s so sad when people don’t do the humane thing with their pets, especially friends who know how you feel about animals. It was disrespectful on top of everything else.

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